Local | 2025/05/28
Port of Centralia Officials Demand Investigation Into Facebook Meanie-Heads
In a courageous act of emotional self-preservation, Port of Centralia Commissioner Kyle Markstrom has called for a full-blown investigation into the greatest threat facing local government today: a Facebook group that hurt his feelings.
Local | 2025/05/26
Panhandlers Form Union, Claim Territorial Rights to I-5 Ramp Meters
LEWIS COUNTY, WA -With the introduction of ramp meters on I-5 in Lewis County, panhandlers across the region are rejoicing at what they call a 'once-in-a-generation business expansion.'
Local | 2025/05/17
ADNA: Locals Furious That County is fixing what they complained about them not fixing.
BUNKER CREEK RD,ADNA, WA – To the Adna locals, Complaining about 'inaction', is easier than living through the 'action'. Adnoids are seeing their tax dollars in action and they're not happy about it.
Local | 2025/05/09
Space Overlord Furious After Being Snubbed by Parade in Town Named After Him
VADER, WA - A certain space overlord, who asked to have is identity hidden, voiced his deep disappointment after not receiving an invitation to a small Earth town’s May Day parade—despite the town literally being named after him.
Local | 2025/04/27
5 signs of a Lewis County Soccer Mom in 2025
Lewis County, WA – The - Soccer Mom - evolution has made quite the transformation since the 1980's. From affordable Mini Vans to untouchable Mega SUV's -- Here we've compiled a short list of how to identify a soccer mom in 2025.
Napavine Residents Warned to “Brace for Chaos” as Road Striping Season Looms Like a Hungover Picasso
NAPAVINE, WA — City officials have issued a formal warning to residents: “Brace for chaos.” The announcement comes ahead of the annual road striping season, which in Napavine is less a maintenance project and more a community-wide endurance test.
Local | 2025/04/19
Scientists Stunned as Jesus’ Tomb Found Empty—2,000 Years Later, Still No Bones
JERUSALEM - In a stunning display of academic head-scratching, a team of world-renowned archaeologists and scientists announced today they are 'completely dumbfounded' by the discovery of an ancient tomb labeled 'Jesus' that contains—brace yourself—absolutely nothing.
Science | 2025/04/18
Karens Spread Like an Infection in Lewis County, Sparking Over-the-Top Reactions Everywhere
LEWIS COUNTY, WA - In recent weeks, Lewis County has seen an alarming increase in the number of 'Karens' — a term for individuals, often middle-aged women, who are quick to complain and demand special treatment, usually with an over-the-top sense of entitlement.
Local | 2025/04/13
Pe Ell Man Accused of Maintaining Eye Contact While Eating Banana -- Now Deeply Regrets Decision
PE ELL, WA - What started as a harmless afternoon snack has turned into a small-town scandal after local resident Gary -Banana Eyes- Thompson made the unsettling choice to maintain full, unbroken eye contact while eating a banana at the Pe Ell gas station.
Local | 2025/04/12
Fowl Play at Lewis County Coffee: Live Chicken Spotted Riding Shotgun, Sparks Feathery Debate
CENTRALIA, WA - Lewis County Coffee customers got more than their usual caffeine fix this week when an observant patron noticed a live chicken comfortably nestled in a parked car outside the coffee shop
Local | 2025/04/12
Local hero returns purse found in Home Depot parking lot, rewarded with honorary birdhouse builders kit.
CHEHALIS, WA - In a heartwarming twist that momentarily restored faith in humanity, a local good Samaritan discovered an abandoned purse at Home Depot and chose the path less traveled -- turning it in. Witnesses say the individual resisted the temptation of unspent gift cards and expired gum, instead marching the lost bag straight to customer service.
Local | 2025/04/12
Washington State: Pro-Choice for Everything But Your Marlboro Menthol
OLYMPIA, WA - In a cringe display of legislative gymnastics, Washington State lawmakers have decided that while your body is absolutely your choice, unless, of course, you’d like to fill it with anything flavored like cherry tobacco.
Local | 2025/04/08
Mass Hysteria Erupts in Centralia as WinCo Foods Opens 24/7 as Walmart Scrambles to Hold the Line
CENTRALIA, WA — The grand opening of WinCo Foods has sent shockwaves through Centralia, as thousands (maybe hundreds) of determined shoppers stormed the aisles in search of 24/7 access to bulk snacks. Eyewitnesses reported scenes of cart-jousting and frantic potato-grabbing as locals declared freedom from their former Walmart allegiance.
Local | 2025/04/07
Cape-Wearing Commissioner Sean Swope Rides Natural Gas Tank Into Battle Against Statewide Ban
LEWIS COUNTY, WA — In a historic display of heroism that historians are already comparing to Paul Revere, local legend and gas-powered gladiator Sean Swope has passed a resolution to protect the good people of Lewis County from the looming threat of natural gas bans sweeping across the state of Washington.
Local | 2025/04/06
Democrats Rally Behind Mexican Gang Member Dad, Claim - He's Just Misunderstood
MARYLAND - In a groundbreaking move of empathy-over-logic, Democrats urge the nation to reconsider the deportation of Kilmar Armando Abrego Garcia, a man they think might just need a hug.
National | 2025/04/04
Teen Criminal Masterminds Confounded That Beating a Man, Stealing Car, Brandishing Gun Leads to Standoff With SWAT
CHEHALIS, WA — In what will surely go down as one of the most brilliant criminal schemes of the decade, two teenage boys with a stolen car, armed with a stolen gun, found themselves utterly baffled when their actions led to an hours-long standoff with law enforcement.
Local | 2025/04/03
Bob Ferguson's Master Plan: 10 Ingenious Taxes to Fund the - Department of No Fun
OLYMPIA, WA - Washington State's Governor Bob Ferguson Unveils Brilliant Blueprint to Ensure No Citizen Escapes the Joyless Grip of the State.
State | 2025/04/03
Bob Ferguson claims he's unaware of the vandalized Tesla Charging Station in Centralia.
CENTRALIA, WA - Governor Bob The Turd Ferguson confused as to why anyone would think that state Democrats had anything to do with the vandalism of Centralia's Tesla charging station.
Politics | 2025/03/22
Local heroes save the day after woman with horrible eye sight reports a cat stuck in tree
CHEHALIS, WA – A normal day turns into anything but, for a local Chehalis woman, as she spots a stranded cat atop a tree and summons local heroes to rescue it
Local | 2025/03/17
Brummer shows up for photo op in pajama's, Swears he wasn't sleeping.
LEWIS COUNTY, WA - County Commissioners wake up from slumber to get their photo taken for the local news paper to honor employees that actually do their jobs. Brummer didn't get formal memo.
Local | 2025/03/16
Lewis County Sheriffs Office now imposing Tariffs on all criminals that want to commit crime.
LEWIS COUNTY, WA - As another way to combat the current budget crisis, Lewis County has proposed new legislation that will impose steep tariffs on criminals that want to do crime.
Local | 2025/03/09
With the arrival of Chick-Fil-A, Centralia expecting epic Sign Battles.. Or Else!
CENTRALIA, WA - As a condition to build in Centralia Station, located off I-5 at exit 81, Chick-fil-a must participate and initiate sign battles with local businesses.
Food | 2025/03/09
Local restaurant makes food so good it'll literally blow your hair back
CHEHALIS, WA - Local restaurant, Northwest Salmon Smokehouse and Artisan Market, is using Smoked Salmon in their recipe's to such a degree, it's almost diabolical!
Food | 2025/03/02
Lewis County Public Works will try to increase employment interest by offering candy
LEWIS COUNTY, WA - In a surprising move, Lewis County Public Works will try increasing employment interest by offering candy
Local | 2025/02/26
City of Napavine to add 16 more fuel stations to Exit 72, because why not?
NAPAVINE,WA - In a stunning turn of events this week, Napavine agreed to add 16 more fuel stations just off Interstate 5 at Exit 72. When asked why, we were told, why not...
Local | 2025/04/19
County Commissioners Aim For Guinness Book World Record!
LEWIS COUNTY, WA – The Lewis County, Board of County Commissioners, had a meeting this afternoon where the commissioners expressed their excitement in the possibility of breaking a Guinness Book World Record.
Politics | 2025/02/19