Cape-Wearing Commissioner Sean Swope Rides Natural Gas Tank Into Battle Against Statewide Ban

LEWIS COUNTY, WA — In a historic display of heroism that historians are already comparing to Paul Revere, local legend and gas-powered gladiator Sean Swope has passed a resolution to protect the good people of Lewis County from the looming threat of natural gas bans sweeping across the state of Washington.

Clad in a flowing American-flag-themed cape and mounted atop a roaring propane tank like a steed of liberty, Swope delivered an impassioned speech outside the county courthouse. "The state may try to blow out our flames," he bellowed, megaphone in one hand, spatula in the other, "but here in Lewis County, we don’t cook our eggs in fear!"

As state regulators whisper dark plans of forcing citizens to boil water with electricity like medieval peasants, Swope has drawn a line in the sand — with a flamethrower, obviously. His resolution doesn’t just protect natural gas for heating and cooking; it enshrines it as a symbol of rugged independence and slightly charred freedom.

Local supporters erupted in cheers as Swope’s propane chariot belched glorious plumes of freedom-smoke into the sky. “He’s basically the Batman of energy policy,” said one tearful resident, clutching a Coleman stove like a newborn child. "Except better, because Batman doesn’t have a tank of flammable gas under him."

Meanwhile, rumor has it that a statue of Swope — complete with cape, gas tank, and defiant glare — is already being commissioned for the courthouse lawn. "It’ll be powered by natural gas," confirmed a local sculptor. "So when it lights up at night, everyone will remember the day Commissioner Swope stuck it to the man."

Indeed, in the face of bureaucratic chill winds, Swope has kept the pilot light of freedom burning — and Lewis County is warmer for it.